If Only

The whole world is mad enough to chew nails and spit rivets at each other.  The wildfire of anxiety already fueled by a viral pandemic and financial hardships has roared into an inferno fanned by outrage over racial injustice.  Add all of this to an overly politicized, deeply divided, radically idealized, and seemingly diabolicaly opposed Left and Right presidential election year and, voila, here we are.  McCarthyism (“The practice of making unfair allegations or using unfair investigate techniques, especially in order to restrict dissent or political criticism.” – Dictionary.com) turned into Cancel Culture (“The popular practice of withdrawing support for public figures and companies after they have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive.” Dictionary.com).  Unsurprisingly, we (collectively as humans) have learned absolutely nothing from God or history on how to get along with each other.  Like sheep, we’ve all gone astray.  The only difference between us and sheep is that we like to point and call out the wrong courses everyone else has taken, but never look back at our own errors.

As a result, I’ve been rationing my news intake and limiting my time on social media platforms.  I can’t take all the lava-hot words and vitriol spewing out of the mouths on all sides of the world’s current, self-inflicted problems.  I don’t know how to heal or even understand the differences of opinion and the vast chasms that seem to lie between the logic and thinking of some of us.  So, with that admission, what can I do?  I have been and will continue to lay them down at my Father’s feet.  He is the answer to everything, always. God excels in doing what everyone says is impossible. 

I’m doing the same on a personal level.  While the huge fires of the world keep burning, so too do the little flames within my life.  I’m sure you understand because we’re all the same.  My personal fire is called MS but yours might be named such things as Furloughed, Job, Money, Stress, Anger, Divorce, Death, Parent, Child, Spouse, Cancer, Diabetes, Aging… just about anything, really.  For me, MS is constantly melting away tiny pieces of my own sovereignty.  It’s very difficult to let go of the things in life that make you feel like you have some control, such as driving, shopping, cooking, and walking. 

In much the same way that I realize I can’t put out the MS fire in my own life and deal with the destruction it leaves in it’s wake on my own, we, as a nation and even world, must understand we will have to work collectively to bring the flames of our society back under control.  The solution will not be conceived in fear of an unseen germ, worry over the next great depression, or riots that break our neighbors’ windows and loot their livelihoods because of injustice.  No, if it could then we would already have the answer.   The fix is to be found in love.  The kind of love the apostle Paul described in I Corinthians 13:4-7, the sort God has for us.  His love is patient, kind, happy for others instead of envious, lifts others up instead of boasting about self, is well mannered instead of rude, seeks the good of others instead of self, is slow to anger, keeps no records of wrongs, delights in holiness instead of evil, rejoices in the truth instead of sensationalism, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. 

I realize what I am about to say is very Pollyannish of me, but…  If every person would recognize the truthfulness and wisdom of this type of love and make it their own personal goal to practice it, without policing others and how they are doing as they attempt to do the same, all the infernos of the world would simply burn themselves out.  If only.

Goodbye May 2020, Don’t Forget to Take Your Germy Germs With You!

Goodbye May 2020, Don’t Forget to Take Your Germy Germs With You!

Below you will find a few more pictures from the scrapbook of our May under CV-19.  We have completely settled into our new home and are grateful to be here, virus or not.

Tis a pleasure to live in the Ozarks!
We went for a drive in the country on Memorial Day.
Slowly, restaurants in our neck of the woods are opening back up.
Napping buddies.
We’ve had a lot of rain and storms the last few weeks. I see a lily in the clouds, can you?
This little house finch found a good spot to shelter during a heavy downpour.
One of my favorite backyard views.
A friend from church gave me this beautifully fragrant peony…
…and this old world rose.
After some research, I got a couple of new, weighted feeders and a different suet feeder. The seed feeders are on a spring that closes the seed ports when triggered by anything greater than the weight of a couple of finches. I also changed the kind of seed I put out and stopped spreading it on the ground. It has worked to cut off the riffraff grackles, crows, and brown headed cow birds.
Robin
Eastern Bluebird deep in thought.
Mourning Dove
Cardinal
Purple finches, female and male
House finch
Carolina Chickadee, I think. It’s hard for me to tell the difference between a Black-capped and a Carolina.
Chipping sparrow and blue bunting
Red-bellied woodpecker
Downy woodpecker
One of our neighborhood squirrels hanging out on the fence.
Our newest critter, an eastern chipmunk
My very favorite animals, Laudy…
…and Pip!

We’re ready to ease into June with fewer restrictions and, hopefully, greater normalcy. May God be with us one and all! ❤️

Joy Complete!

The dark scenes of Christ being in anguish and His sweat “like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Lk 22:44) in the Garden of Gethsemane, His gruesome torcher at the hands of Roman soldiers, and His agonizing, six hour crucifixion on Calvary are tenderly felt in the hearts and minds of every Christian.  We realize it was all suffered and done for us. For me. He died for me. We honor and commemorate His sacrifice each time we partake of the Lord’s Supper; the fruit of the vine representing his blood shed for us and the bread representing his body given in our stead.  

The intensity of what He knew and dreaded going through was so great that “an angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him” (Lk 22:43) just before he was arrested in the Garden.  And yet, finishing their meal before heading out to pray in the Garden, Jesus spoke candidly with the apostles about His impending death in chapters 15 and 16, which John recorded. Jesus always seemed to say astounding things, but His words in chapter 15, verses 9-14, when seen in light of what He was getting ready to go through are, to me, the most astonishing of all.  “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that MY JOY MAY BE COMPLETE IN YOU and THAT YOUR JOY MAY BE COMPLETE.  My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command.”

Yes, despite His dread and anxiety about what He knew would happen in just a few short hours, He was still filled with JOY.  His joy was grounded in love, the state He always had by being obedient to and at one with the Father. But it didn’t stop there.  His ultimate joy would only be made complete when He brought us into the same oneness with the Father and Himself and He shared this joy with us.  That is the reason He said He would, “lay down His life for His friends.” His impending death would ultimately bring Him joy because He would be sharing the resultant benefit of His death, burial, and resurrection with His “friends” – and that benefit was SALVATION.

John had walked and talked and seen Jesus and knew He was the Son of God (1 John 1:1-2).  John said in verse 3 of I John that he proclaimed the Truth so that we could have fellowship with Christ.  Fellowship with Him creates “joy complete” (verse 4). Why? What makes fellowship with Christ the Son and God the Father so joyful?  For that answer we need to turn to 1 John 5:13-15, “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that YOU MAY KNOW THAT YOU HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.  This is the confidence we have in approaching God, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of Him.” The promises of fellowship now and eternal life with the Godhead creates within the hearts of all believers “complete joy.”  Further down in verse 20 of chapter 5, John reiterates this by saying, “We KNOW also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may KNOW Him who is true – even in His Son Jesus Christ (fellowship).  He is the true God and eternal life.”  Christ said it this way in the Gospel of John 17:1-4 as He prayed just before going to the Garden of Gethsemane: “Father, the time has come.  Glorify your Son that your Son may glorify You. For you granted Him authority over all people, that HE MIGHT GIVE ETERNAL LIFE: that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent.  I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave Me to do.” Finally, back in 1 John chapter 2, verses 24- 25, “See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, YOU WILL REMAIN IN THE SON AND IN THE FATHER (fellowship). And this is what He promised us – EVEN ETERNAL LIFE.”

During this time of social distancing when even church gatherings have been shutdown, no one can take away my joy for it has been made complete!!

Mid-May in Survival Mode

My Multiple Sclerosis has been a beast more days than not since my last post. I hate it and it hates me. I guess we’re even. Even so, life in these extraordinarily strange times has continued to flow on. Hubby is wrapping up grading finals this weekend and we’re both looking forward to him having a few weeks off before his summer schedule kicks off. He will be teaching from home again which makes me happy. It’s been so good to have human interaction during the day, even if it is just for short breaks between his classes.

Last week we joined what felt like half of our city in the parking lot of one of our area’s hospitals to see a B-2 Stealth Bomber fly over as a salute to the selflessness of our medical workers. I don’t know which I was more impressed with, the rare sight of two B-2s or the sense of unity and pride I felt seeing so many Americans come out to wave flags, clap, holler, and whistle as they flew over. To tell the truth, I’ve not felt much patriotism the last few years. Don’t get me wrong, I love my country and am grateful to be an American but the political tone and constant gamesmanship vomiting itself all over the media has not fanned the flames of my patriotic fervor. It felt good to see my fellow citizens come out in support of something that binds us together rather than tears us apart.

Hubby and I went to Target before the B-2s were scheduled to make their appearance. The line to check out snaked almost to the back of the store. It felt more like I was in line at an amusement park waiting to get to ride a new roller-coaster than the chance to buy toilet paper and Fruit Loops.

On the way home after the B-2s, this jacked up truck came roaring around us. I wonder what this guy is trying to compensate for with his huge muffler 🤔.

Speaking of compensations, one of the few (but best) I have from being immobilized on bad MS days is spending long hours with a snuggly cat tucked in my robe while sipping coffee.

I think being able to sit and watch nature from the comfort of my rocking chair on the back patio has not only kept me sane during endless days of forced rest, but has also given me something to look forward to. Here are a few snaps from my latest gallery of feathered friends…

Goldfinches!
The early Robin gets the worm.
A Cardinal perched in one of our river birches.
Black-capped Chickadee
Lovey dovey
Chipping Sparrow
Munch, munch, munch goes the Purple Finch!
It has been thrilling to see this little Indigo Bunting come to the feeders!
This Red-bellied Woodpecker is very skittish, much more so than the other birds that come to the feeders. It has been a challenge to get a good shot of him but I think this one does him justice. He is BEAUTIFUL!
We’ve had up to four Downy Woodpeckers at a time at the feeders and suet cakes. The distinguishing red mark on this one’s head looks like a heart to me.
This lilac tree filled the entire backyard with it’s delicious fragrance and proved irresistible to butterflies.
Red Admiral Butterfly on Lilac

I hope you and yours are both healthy and safe. God be with you!

Life During the Time of Corona through My Camera Lens

A quiet lane a block or so from our house.
Along the quiet lane.
Dogwoods in all their glory.
Spring comes alive in our backyard.
Our neighbor’s tulips
Blooms in our backyard.
Our neighborhood has a small lake with a walking trail around it.
A bit of sunbathing.
Breathing new life into our old iron rocking bench.
😂
My stepmom gave me a cutting from a plant my sister Glenda gave her 20ish years ago. Glenda died in a car wreck 14 years ago next month. It’s a happy coincidence the pot she put the cutting in matches the lawn ornament behind it 💙.
I added a few bird feeders last week and they sure have been busy!
To the left…
…to the right.
Momma Tree Sparrow and…
…baby in one of our nesting boxes.
White-throated Sparrow
Downy Woodpecker
This Nuthatch is a new visitor, I get so excited every time it visits.
Goldfinches are a favorite of mine.
Such a cute baby Goldfinch!
We have a pair of stunning Bluebirds nesting in one of our boxes!
Momma Cardinal sporting a beautiful crest.
This little fella thought “crest” meant a mohawk!!
We’ve had a lot of House Finches at the feeders, they sing and chirp until you can’t help but smile that God created such marvelous creatures!
(Female House Finch)
Elegant and gorgeous Mourning Dove.
I think this dove may have a birth defect. He comes around a lot and I’m always happy to see him. I’m rooting for him out in the great-wide world.
Hubby has kept himself busy with chores…
…fun…
…making labs for students…
…and teaching from home.
Meanwhile, my life under the shutdown looks exactly like it did before Coronavirus. I always have a cat nearby and I don’t leave the house very often. I guess MS has been good for something, it’s made surviving the shutdown easy-peasy for me.
I’m still sewing when I have the energy, but I have swapped my usual tasks to making masks. As ever, Laudy supervises my work.
Pip as my parrot 😉.
LOTS of napping!
Yes, I did cut my own hair 🤫🤭.
I’ve been using my foot pedal a lot these days. My MS has been a beast lately, but I’m determined to keep moving by hook or crook.
We celebrated Hubby’s birthday on the 20th of April…
…and mine on the 22nd. (I forgot to take a picture of the donuts we had for Hubby’s breakfast.)
Texas Roadhouse for dinner on my bday 😋.

We’re both ready for the current madness to end and return to whatever the new normal will be, I’m sure you and yours are too. Stay sane, safe, and healthy, we’re all in this together together ❤!

Free Advice

Here I lie in bed at 3:15 in the afternoon with one cat under the covers between my knees and the other curled up in a ball against me.  It’s been four days of pedal to the metal fatigue. My legs feel like they are made of lead and I can barely lift them to walk. This has resulted in an off-balance sort of shuffle more suited to some cartoon character than a human.  Everything is in slow motion, even my thoughts and ability to understand what others say. My hands feel disconnected from my brain and my bladder is in a state of anarchy. Somehow, both of my calves think they are supposed to spasm and tighten into painful, twisted knots while the rest of the muscles in my legs become like jelly when I try to stand up.

It’s as if a rogue telephone operator came in during the night and pulled half the plugs in my brain and spine and, with maniacal glee, replugged them all higgledy-piggledy just to see what would happen.  

It’s incredibly boring as well as frustrating not to be able to do the things I want to do.  It dawned on me that even though you probably aren’t laid up in bed with fiendish MS like I am, you’re possibly bored and frustrated too.  It’s hard to stay home and down for long stretches of time, especially when you don’t have a choice because of a nearly nationwide shutdown.  

So, I’ll share with you what I keep having to tell myself in order to keep from going crazy.  I apologize in advance if it sounds kinda bossy, but it’s the only way I can get my attitude in line.  Can you relate? Anyway, here it is. “This won’t last forever, it will get better. It’s okay if you don’t like your current situation, but don’t dwell endlessly on it. A negative circumstance doesn’t give you carte blanche to be grumpy, so be nice despite everything.”  If you are a Christian, then the last one is the most important one. “The One who is inside you is stronger than everything else. He has not abandoned you, He’s walking through this difficult time with you. In light of that fact, act like it and don’t forget it.”

Can’t Catch Me, ‘Rona

Hi everyone, I hope you are healthy and virus free. I may not know your name, but I have been praying for everyone to make it through this this pandemic and the extensive economic impact related to the shutdowns it has caused.

Like so many others, Hubby and I are living under a stay at home order from both our county and city. Hubby teaches at a local community college and got an extra week’s worth of spring break while officials and tech got their ducks in a row. He will be teaching all of his classes online from home starting Monday. He’s been working hard to get ready since making a shift from seated Physics classes with labs to an online platform for both has taken a lot of prep and creative thinking. As always, my brilliant, hardworking guy has it all in hand and is ready to go.

Meanwhile, I’ve been labeled “vulnerable” and the only “essential” thing I can do is help prop up the local economy. Hubby has been pitching in and we’re taking our duty very seriously. For example, we’ve driven through Andy’s Frozen Custard on three occasions in the last couple of weeks for Thin Mint concretes.

The following is a collage of snapshots showing how we’ve been riding out this unprecedented time in history.

Hubby’s days have included cycling and projects and then more projects and cycling. Oh, and probably like everyone else, a lot of surfing of both the inter-web and channel varieties.

I’ve been hobbling along with Salonpas pads stuck all over my legs trying to get my MS related muscle spasms under control. I’ve also managed to get some sewing done, including the cat-themed wall art, with a bit of help from my two favorite felines. Our new house has a lovely patio out back and I have been been putting some miles on my new rocking chair, “See-Saw”, every chance I get!

A lot of time has been devoted to loving and being loved by, well, CATS.

I love to bake and have taken advantage of having my favorite taste-tester home with me every day. Scones, bread, muffins, biscuits–we have more bread and baked goods in our freezers than Panera!

What joy it has been this spring to watch the birds come to our feeder and move into the three birdhouses we have in our backyard! I have enjoyed snapping pictures of all the different varieties and then editing them. We have a pair of Eastern Bluebirds nesting in one house, sparrows in another, and juncos in the third.

We’ve had a mild, rainy spring and the trees and shrubs have started blooming and budding everywhere. It is beautiful to see all the colors painted across the landscape, whether rain or shine. As the back of our house faces due east, it’s been a treat to watch the sun’s orange glow as it spreads across the sky in the mornings. We added some color ourselves this week with a few flowers for the beds.

I hope you have been able to find joy despite the ‘Rona fear that has gripped the hearts and minds of the world. I encourage you to turn off the constant news feed and find a way to enjoy the people in your home and your surroundings. Remember God’s promise after the flood, “As long as the earth endures, springtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease” (Ge 8:22). It’s true, regardless of ‘Rona, springtime has come just like God promised. May we all live in the light of God’s promises, not in the darkness of the fears in the world.

Hunkering Down

As Covid-19 spreads and the race to flatten the curve accelerates, the restrictions and confinement many find imposed upon them sounds pretty much like everyday life to many of us living with Multiple Sclerosis or other debilitating diseases.  We’re used to rarely leaving home unless someone else drives us, and filling endless hours by ourselves at home, day in and day out.

If you’ve started feeling stir crazy and like you’re under house arrest, the feeling will ease up somewhere around the end of the fourth or fifth week.  It might take a little longer if you aren’t already a homebody. After you’ve finished all the projects around the house you’d been meaning to do but hadn’t gotten around to, you’ll enter phase two otherwise known as Netflix Binge Watching.  This lasts only as long as either, A) you hit your own limit of slothfulness and drooling, and your once comfy jammies grow so tight your seams start to rip OR B) your loved ones can’t handle your funky odor, your cheese curl tainted fingertips, and having to preen Apple Jacks from your oily hair anymore.  If you or a loved one have already entered Netflix Binge Watching take courage, phase three is all about self-improvement. You won’t be able to resist the urge to do something to better yourself after all that slovenliness. So, you’ll do something to make up for it, like trying to learn a new language, take up painting, try your hand at beekeeping, attempt to learn how to play an instrument…you get the idea.  This is going to be a tricky one because this stage usually requires going out and spending a lot of money for all the bells and whistles required to do whatever kind of self-improvement you’ve chosen. Let’s hope Amazon doesn’t end up having to limit deliveries to nothing more than “essentials” just as you enter this phase of confinement. Hint: You may need to be mindful of this possibility and purposefully rush through the first two stages 😉.

At any rate, you’ll know you’ve reached the final step in accepting and adapting to your captivity when you wake up to a limited list of things to do but manage to accomplish them to the hum of some unbeknownst internal circadian rhythm.  Everything just sort of falls into place and POOF, your day has passed without really knowing where it has gone.  

Naturally, you’ll be glad when all this self-quarantine business is over and you can finally get back to your “normal” life.  Shhh…you can then quietly but permanently shelve all those Portuguese workbooks and apps you bought a few weeks back and of which you never got past lesson two.  Once your freedom to come and go as you please is restored, you won’t take for granted your reinstated liberty anymore. You’ll remember how it felt to be stuck at home for days on end with nowhere to go and nothing to do.  Hopefully, that will be the closest you will ever get to understanding just a fraction of one component of what it’s like to live with MS.

There are actually a lot of others who, like me, have found themselves sequestered on a full-time basis owing to some disease.  If you end up going through some or all of the stages I described above, I think you will come to a deeper appreciation of the strength required to live life within the confines of the same four walls day after day.  Kudos to all my comrades who have the strength to go on living life to the fullest under difficult circumstances. I don’t know what the name of your kind of Strong is, but mine is MS Strong.

SIT. STAY.

It’s been a long time ago now, but our family used to have a dog when I was growing up.  I was in 4-H and one of the adults involved had an overnight doggie daycare that not only offered kennel services but also training and handling classes.  So when she said she would hold obedience lessons as a course through 4-H, I thought it sounded fun and signed up with our little dachshund named Fozzy.  

It was a good thing Fozzy was cute because we weren’t too far into the first lesson before it became abundantly clear that he didn’t have much going on upstairs. Initially, the trainer thought it must have been me doing something wrong, I was probably no more than 13 years old.  I remember her coming over and taking the leash to do some one-on-one coaching with me while everyone else worked on SIT and STAY using pavlovian conditioning. However, she couldn’t get Fozzy to understand either and eventually gave the leash back to me and advised me to “just do the best you can”.  

Fozzy and I worked hard together for weeks trying to master SIT and STAY before finally finding some success.  Unfortunately, once he eventually got it and we moved on to another command, he started getting it confused with SIT and STAY and we were right back to square one.  Over and over we practiced but to no avail. We finally gave up on trying to learn a third command and went back to relearning the first two. Sadly, Fozzy and I never successfully graduated from doggie obedience school.

All the same, SIT and STAY ended up being pretty useful things to know.  Screaming SIT kept Fozzy from running into the street when a car came down the road.  STAY helped us break him of slipping out of his collar and running around like a crazy chicken with us following in hot pursuit all over the neighborhood every time we took him outside to do his business.

Little did I realize then just how hard it would be for me as an adult to conquer these two seemingly easy commands. The absolute hardest thing for me to do since this ordeal of living with MS started has turned out to be the only thing Fozzy ever successfully mastered.  I unequivocally and categorically have an impaired capacity, coupled with what I strongly suspect to be a willful disdain, for learning how to merely SIT and STAY. Time and time again I push and push and push my body WAY too far until my legs enforce a coup and SIT and STAY are obtained by browbeating me into submission rather than a graceful acquiescence on my own part. When I see a project that needs to be done, everything in my brain sort of snaps and I cannot make myself quit until it’s been accomplished.  My world is so upside down with MS that this crazy disease has even found a way to punish me for having a driven, solid work ethic!! (Well, that’s how I see it anyway. My hubby simply thinks I’m deranged when this happens 😉.)

Once again, I found myself at this all too familiar crossroads yesterday.  As I was moving and sorting through boxes in the garage looking for the birdseed I knew had to be out there somewhere, I heard the firm voice of reason saying, “Woman, stop! You are getting too tired. SIT and STAY in a chair for awhile or else your legs are going to give you fits of spasms and you’ll battle with obscene levels of fatigue for days.”  However, at the exact same time, I could hear my own placid but neurotic voice whispering, “There’s just a little bit more to do. You’re almost done. Keep going.” Which voice did I ultimately end up listening to? Well, I’ll give you a hint. As it turns out, Fozzy was smarter than me.

Adventures in Moving House

Well, the deed is done. We moved and have been in our new house for exactly one week! Mercy, moving created a strange brew of fevered, paradoxical feelings. We were always somewhere between excitement and dread; anticipation and foreboding; exhaustion and exultation; and daydreaming about what we were going to do in our new house, then mixing it with the reality of our bank account.

Thankfully, once our old house sold we had about three weeks to pack and get ready to move into our new house. As you know, I struggle mightily with fatigue related to my MS. My Hubby was super busy with work so I created a plan of attack and paced myself to get everything packed and labeled for the move.

The day of our closing finally arrived and we celebrated by having dinner with Hubby’s Mom!

We closed on a Friday and had arranged for family and friends from church to help us move boxes on Saturday. We have such wonderful people in our lives! I sat in a chair and directed traffic so everyone knew where they were going. I’m pretty sure some child labor laws were broken.

Our Cornish Rex cats, Laudy and Pip, made the transition to the new house swimmingly. They hung out in our master bath and closet during the move, then came out once everyone was gone to check the place out. Our new reclining love seat provided a much needed place to take a break. There was little rest for the weary though. We worked hard Sunday afternoon to clear paths and locations for our furniture.

The movers arrived Monday morning at 8:00 a.m. to load up our furniture and appliances from the old house to take to the new. I stuck to my scooter all day in order to make it through the day.

I had done pretty well Saturday and Sunday managing my energy, but I was really struggling to keep going by Monday evening after everything was finally in our new house. Both the cats and I were turned around and upside down.

Somehow everything in life seems to happen all at once. It turned out that my first full infusion of Ocrevus just happened to fall on Thursday of last week, three days after we moved. I expected, and was correct, that I’ve been extra tired since getting the drug. I purposefully allowed myself to work past what I knew was good for me in order to get as much done as possible before the Ocrevus took me down.

Slowly, I’m recovering from my treatment and our new house is feeling more and more like home. I do a little bit each day and my hubby does a whole lot each evening. We’re hoping this is the last move we ever have to make. But even if it isn’t, what I love most about my home is who I share it with 💕.