Here I lie in bed at 3:15 in the afternoon with one cat under the covers between my knees and the other curled up in a ball against me. It’s been four days of pedal to the metal fatigue. My legs feel like they are made of lead and I can barely lift them to walk. This has resulted in an off-balance sort of shuffle more suited to some cartoon character than a human. Everything is in slow motion, even my thoughts and ability to understand what others say. My hands feel disconnected from my brain and my bladder is in a state of anarchy. Somehow, both of my calves think they are supposed to spasm and tighten into painful, twisted knots while the rest of the muscles in my legs become like jelly when I try to stand up.
It’s as if a rogue telephone operator came in during the night and pulled half the plugs in my brain and spine and, with maniacal glee, replugged them all higgledy-piggledy just to see what would happen.
It’s incredibly boring as well as frustrating not to be able to do the things I want to do. It dawned on me that even though you probably aren’t laid up in bed with fiendish MS like I am, you’re possibly bored and frustrated too. It’s hard to stay home and down for long stretches of time, especially when you don’t have a choice because of a nearly nationwide shutdown.
So, I’ll share with you what I keep having to tell myself in order to keep from going crazy. I apologize in advance if it sounds kinda bossy, but it’s the only way I can get my attitude in line. Can you relate? Anyway, here it is. “This won’t last forever, it will get better. It’s okay if you don’t like your current situation, but don’t dwell endlessly on it. A negative circumstance doesn’t give you carte blanche to be grumpy, so be nice despite everything.” If you are a Christian, then the last one is the most important one. “The One who is inside you is stronger than everything else. He has not abandoned you, He’s walking through this difficult time with you. In light of that fact, act like it and don’t forget it.”