Survey Says…

I hate to brag but I’m a pretty important person. No, seriously.  And you should be a little worried. Here’s the lowdown.

Around late February of this year, after my reluctant but necessary full retirement owing to MS, I decided I was going to need something to do at home to keep me from going completely doolally.  If you’re reading this then, for better or worse, you know the fruit of one of my endeavors – blogging. As much as I’d like to say I’ve thrown myself into writing and have become seriously self-disciplined, the mood actually only strikes once in a while.  On a cheerier note, I’m probably not far from being a serious, internationally-ranked Spider Solitaire contender.

Obviously, I needed more.  Something important that would better humanity.  An avenue that would leave a lasting, positive imprint on the lives of others.  So, I joined Survey Junkie.

Every day my opinions shape your world.  I answer for the masses about real-world, important things, like what we really want from our toilet paper; the best logo for an underwear brand that captures the qualities of “durability and comfort”, the “two things we all want” from our undies; and have carefully chosen between proposed TV commercials to guarantee that the ad fairly represents the company’s commitment to keeping you “safe” while also making you look “prosperous”.

Some survey questions have been easy and fun, for example: Do you use slang?  Fo’ sho’ At what age do you think it is no longer appropriate to you use slang? 89, ‘cause my Grandpa always said he was one cool cat who wasn’t afraid to get on the horn to coppers when he saw someone on the hooch who needed to go to the big house. Did you now that most people think anyone over the age of 26 should not use slang?  Dude, that’s heavy.

Some questions have taught me that OCD has a functional side. Which restaurants have you or anyone in your household visited at least once in the last 12 months? One moment, let me just whip out my Alphabetized, Annotated, and Ranked by 5-Star Rating System of Restaurants Visited Between May 2018 – May 2019 list.

Some questions have been grouped into blocks and straddle between a screening test for Dementia and a social awareness questionnaire. Have you purchased potato chips within the last three months? Are you judging me? What brand(s) of potato chips have you heard of? What brand(s) haven’t I heard of?! Is it important to you that the company who made the potato chips contributes to better their community?  You mean frying potatoes and/or corn into thin, tasty wafers doesn’t count as bettering the community?Would you consider changing the brand of potato chips you normally purchase if you knew a different company made more of a commitment to reducing their carbon footprint than your current chip company? What?  I can’t hear you over the crunch of my Fritos.

Today I took an eight minute survey that was top secret.  I had to agree that I would not reveal the name or contents of the survey among my friends or family, nor would I share anything about it on social media platforms.  See, I told you I was important. I’m doing classified work.

Not only is my opinion important, but valuable too.  In the last two months I’ve earned $22 and counting. The word is out that my opinions are great because I get between 10-15 offers a day to participate in a new survey.  I guess you could even say I’ve become a professional at my new gig.

I’ve always known MS had a few perks, like getting to park in handicap spaces and sitting in reserved areas for my wheelchair at stadiums.  I didn’t know that the virtually home-bound state it has left me in would one day lead me to this new and exciting career in the world of surveys.  It just goes to show that every cloud really does have a silver lining. Oh, I gotta go, someone needs my opinion about which font on the wrapper of mini candy bars properly conveys the rich, creamy chocolate within!